Short Fiction: IRL

The steam from the hot shower lays like a thin, beaded, veil on the bathroom mirror. My reflection is fuzzy and unfamiliar. I wipe the mirror with my towel, and there I am. I almost prefer the skewed view of the moisture-lens. I turn my head to side-eye my profile and suck in my gut. I’ve got an argyle sweater that should help hide that. I run my finger down the bridge of my nose, it’s too large. I face forward and run my fingers through my brown hair. I’m not sure what to do with it, it’s thinning and I hate it. I do like my eyes, they’re blue and my best asset. That’s just my opinion.  Normally, I’m not so critical of myself, but tonight I have a date. Her name is Lily, and she’s beautiful. She’s an ER nurse, 26 years old, enjoys classic Italian horror movies, and every Alkaline Trio album pre- This Addiction. At least, that’s what her profile says.

You can never really tell when it comes to online dating. There’s the illusion of the profile. Everyone’s clever, they like “all kinds of music” and Chuck Palahniuk is there fav author even though they’ve only SEEN Fight Club. Every selfie is calculated and perfectly staged. Is anyone who they appear to be anymore? Or do we build our ideal selves on a pixelated page, and strive to become who the Internet says we are? For example, the last date I went on was six months ago. The date was forgettable, but the evening was infamous. Her profile said she was outgoing and "up for anything." She was boring and couldn’t handle her liquor. There wasn’t a single smile in any of her profile pictures, and I found out it was because she was missing a few teeth. When I returned her home, she exited with a polite goodbye, and left her warm piss on my passenger seat as a token. The Illusion of the profile. The story has since been told and retold, and I was a good sport about it, but tonight I hope the Internet dating gods are kind to me. Lily does seem too good to be true, or at least too good to take interest in a guy like me. Her and I have been texting for the past few nights, and after my stomach stopped it’s somersaults and fanfare, she was really easy to talk to.

I’m standing in front of the mirror again, this time fully clothed. I tug at my sweater, pulling it outward in hopes that it will stretch a little bit. Argyle really does have a slimming effect. I rub some pomade around in my hands and apply to my hair, tossing it from one side to the other. I shape it to convey that I put some effort into my appearance, but not too much. I would rather just throw on a scally cap and be done, but my best friend Bonnie told me that was a no-no. She’s an online dating pro, who sometimes will paint her face and get all dressed up just for a free meal. I can’t say that I agree with it, it’s deceptive, and kind of fucked up. Lily’s not like that, I think. I hope. Maybe she isn’t, at least not for tonight, but people change. You start spending a lot of time with someone and they’ll reveal who they really are. You’re getting ahead of yourself. Just be you, that’s enough.

I grab my phone to text her, and there’s a push-notification warning me of a Severe Winter Weather Advisory. It’s supposed to snow, but not until later on. It's been all over the news and everyone is scrambling for TP, bread, and milk. I figure I should have her home, and be back here safely before it gets bad. I hope. I rub my hands together, they’re damp with anticipation. First date, first time meeting Lily, and I don’t need mother nature adding to the list of “things to be anxious about.” I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, breaking apart any doubt that’s gathered in my chest. It’s 7:45, it’s time to pick up Lily.

I leave my place and the cold air snaps against my skin like a rubber band. The night is grey, and the city is dulled by the threat of snow. Despite it being dormant and still, I pull away feeling the first sparks of excitement. I smile for no reason other than possibility. Lily lives 20 minutes away from my rented row home in the city, but I feel picking her up is the right thing to do. It’s like dress rehearsal for the date. There’s music, small talk, and the woosh and hum of the world outside the car. The two of you are contained in a bubble, there’s an intimacy before being seated in the crowded chatter and clanking of a restaurant. The roads are winding, once I exit off of the highway. Tress climb on both sides, there’s a sense of isolation here in the county. I click on my high beams and see tiny glowing orbs on the right side of the road way. I slow down to try and predict if the doe and her fawn plan to cross or dash back into the cover of the trees, they choose to turn back into the woods. This is a lot different from the concrete, steel, and glass landscapes of the city I'm used to. I pull into her apartment complex, Cedar Point Village. It is very modern: modular styled apartments, balconies jutting, sharply on either side of the climbing buildings, and a quaint sense of rural living. I exit the car, this time I brace for the cold air to slap across my face. The night here is still, and faintly in the distance the cars on the highway sound like ocean waves gently breaking onto shore.

At the steps to her second floor apartment, my chest becomes cluttered again. I check my reflection in the glass of the building entry door. I tug at the new jeans I had bought. Why would I buy skinny jeans? I’m not even skinny. I inhale, let go of my reflection, and climb to her apartment. My heart beats fiercely in my chest, I am certain she hears it from the other side of the door. She answers, and I see her for the first time. Her hair is long and brown, it gently curls and falls over her chest. Her eyes are the color of amber, bright and alive like the sun’s first peak over the horizon. She is shorter than me, probably 5’5”. If I were to hug her she would fit perfectly into my embrace, but I won’t do that. It would be nice, but those things take time. My heart slows and gently falls back into it’s nest cradled beneath my ribcage. She smiles at me, and I return the gesture without hesitation.

“Hello, there.”

Her voice welcomes me in, even before her hand motions for me to enter. I return her greeting, but my voice cracks like clay. I clear my throat and give it another try, this time with more confidence and less fear. The apartment smells like sage, or maybe it’s nag champa. It’s the scent of a new age bookstore. The room’s color is warm. There’s shades of brown, copper, and green. There are shelves full of movies and an impressive record collection. Another woman enters from the hallway. Her hair is long, near her waistline, and her resemblance to Lily is strong. A large smile spreads across her face and she hurries to meet me.

“Hi! You must be Caleb! I’m Lily’s big sister, Meri.”

“Big “ as in older, but not stature, she stands shorter than Lily. Her voice is soft, and it scratches like a brush stroke on a painters canvas. Her face is more on the side of rigid, whereas Lily’s is gentle. Meri hugs me tightly, and I glance at Lily. She loses hold of a laugh.

“He’s my date, Meri.” She playfully advises her sister, and Meri breaks her embrace.

“Sorry, I just stopped by to see you guys off. Oh, and to make sure you weren’t an axe murderer.”

“No, I’m more of a machete kind of guy.”

I am no good at improv, but both sisters entertain me with laughter. Lily grabs her purse and moves towards the door and I follow. Meri hugs Lily and kisses her on the lips, they must be very close. Lily promises to text and check in to assure Meri that I have not murdered her.  We step outside and Lily comments on the cold, its bite is more brutal than before. In the car, Lily scoops my iPod into her hand. She politely asks, “May I?” I nod and she plays Alkaline Trio’s “She Took Him to the Lake.” She sings along to the first line.

“Do you remember the story of the boy and his first date...”

She stops singing.

“What an appropriate first line!”

She raises her hands in the air, as if she hadn’t played the song with a purpose. I feel a slight pang of unease.

“I guess, but the last line is ‘but then she went away and she’s not coming back, and I’m pretty sure that boy is staying in tonight’, so thanks for damning us before we can even begin!”

I regret the comment, it may be too bold. Is this a beginning? I mean technically it is. Shut up. Listen to her, talk to her. Lily laughs and places her hand in front of her face. She apologies out of embarrassment, her face flushes red. She makes another apology, on behalf of her sister’s behavior.

“She can be such a spaz sometimes!”

I manage to find a parking spot only half of a block away from our restaurant, The Golden Bell.  The Boulevard is usually a busy place, buzzing with occupants of the nearby neighborhood; droves of hipsters. The street is more bare than usual, and I remember why: the weather. I tilt back my head and stare up past the nights sky, through the dull, grey blanket of clouds, and into the heavens. Please, NO snow. Let us get through this date. I hurry around to the passenger side to open Lily’s door. She steps out of the car, and the yellow-orange glow of the streetlamps cast her in gold. She looks beautiful, and her hair dances in the winter’s wind. We arrive at the restaurant and her nose is flushed red from the cold’s kiss.

We are seated at a table in the rear corner of the restaurant, where we are far from other diners, but closest to the bar. It is buzzing with flannel-shirted patrons ordering PBR and shots of rail whiskey. Several customers sit silent, bewitched by the bright glow of their iPhones. Lily begins a story about working in the ER and I take in every word as if it was lecture, and later I will be quizzed. Her hands flap and sway as she speaks. Her face animates, eyebrows rising and falling, and her mouth twists and puckers. I am hunched over in disbelief that we haven’t ordered our food yet. I don't really, but I should eat. We are three rounds deep and Lily wants to go smoke a cigarette. I haven’t smoked in over a year, but tonight I go with the flow. Outside, we are greeted by snow flurries. They whip and thrash with the crisp air’s current. The cigarette rakes my lungs from the first drag, and I fight the urge to cough. Menthol mixed with the bitter freeze of the air makes my teeth clench.

“This weather is shit! You know, you didn’t have to come get me. I could’ve just met you here!”

“I know, but I wanted to come get you. It’s the gentleman’s way.” I twist and flick my wrist, mocking to her.

“Oh! A gentleman? Is that what you are? I feel bad that you have to drive me all the way back home in this shit though."

“It’s really no big deal.” It will be if I end up in a ditch, but right now, nothing matters.

“We will have one more drink and then you get me home, ok?”

We finish our next drink and order another. I tell her about my work in a call center. It’s not exciting, but we bond over the fact that people are crazy, and the majority of them suck ass. We finish another drink. and argue over who pays the tab. I win.

The Boulevard’s streets are plastered in white, and the city is smothered by the winter storm. The highway isn’t bad, but Lily apologizes again for having to drive her home. I take the exit off the highway, and the winding, wood-walled roads are slick with wintery slush. There are no street lamps, just my headlights. My hands clench and tightly grip the wheel, and the wipers frantically flip back in forth to no avail. Every direction is blurred with white. The trees clear and ivory meadows stretch on either side. I see no deer, no glowing dots on the roadside, but there is something else. It moves slowly, almost hovers above the inches of snowfall. I look back to the road for a moment, but everything is blending; white on white. The figure still skims closer and closer to the roadway. I swear that it is a person, a woman. I feel the steering wheel pull slightly to the left and the car drifts on the slick layer of packed winter mush. I hear Lily draw a fast breath. Just ahead, in the road I see it. I see her. It is a woman, as white as the twirling flakes that surround her. I hit the brakes, but use too much force. I feel the rear wheels slide to the right before pitching back to the left. Lily’s hand clutches the seat  and I swiftly try to right the car, but it’s too late. The car smashes into a guardrail.

“Are you ok? Jesus, I’m so sorry.”

“No, I’m fine. You?”

I throw open my door and step out onto the roadside. I look back to the road for the woman, but there is nothing there.

“Did you see that woman?”

Lily begins to laugh.

“No. That had to be a deer, I couldn’t really tell. It happened so fast. How’s your car?”

I laugh nervously. I am certain it was a woman; cloaked in white, long dark hair, and skin kissed pink by the cold. I throw the car in reverse and back it off the guardrail, I’m relieved that it still runs. We arrive at her apartment and I step around the front of the car to assess the damage. The front end of the car is crumbled like an aluminum can. The driver’s side headlight is a broken mess. I lift my head up to the sky, once more. Thanks a-fucking lot! Lily stands beside me as we both stare at my crushed Toyota Corolla. She turns to face me, and grabs my shoulders to turn me toward her.

“I do not feel comfortable with you trying to get home with that damage and this weather! If you’re cool with it, cause I totally am, I think you should stay here for the night.”

Yes! Yes! Her offer sounds genuine, but staying the night wasn’t even on my radar at the start of this date. What does that mean? What does she expect? Given the circumstances, I accept, and the fender bender beats warm piss on the passenger seat in my disaster date book.

“Please...stay. Just don’t think this means you’re getting some.” She smirks.

I accept her offer and we leave my disabled car. We enter her apartment, the warmth of heat caresses my face. My hands tingle, trying to feel warm again.  My jeans are soaked at the bottom, and my socks are a wet dishrag. Lily offers me dry clothes and takes me into her bedroom. It smells of sandalwood, and the walls are decorated with movie posters. She opens a drawer beside her bed and pulls out dry socks, along with a pair of men’s sweatpants. I catch a glimpse of the contents of the drawer. It seems to be full of men’s clothing. Lily acknowledges my confused face.

“They belong to my ex. I hadn’t had a chance to throw them out.”

I recall a conversation about ex’s over dinner. I may have heard wrong, but her last serious relationship was almost a year ago. That seems to be enough time to discard of his left belongings. I push the thought back into my mind, and thank her for the clothes. She points me to the bathroom to change. Everything fits well, and the dry, soft pair of socks is a welcome comfort. I exit the bathroom to find Lily in the living room texting on her phone.

“Hey, looks like you’re all dry. I was just texting Meri to let her know I was alive, and I made us a nightcap!”

She hands me a mug, the steam swirls up from the warm liquid inside.

“It’s Earl Grey tea and bourbon! Has to be one of my favorite cold weather drinks!”

I take a sip and feel a sense of comfort consume my insides. She steps out onto the balcony for a smoke, and I join her. The snow continues to fall and covers every visible patch of land. There must be almost six inches by now. I reach for my cell phone, and discover a few missed messages from Bonnie.

I reply:

“Date was great. Still going. Got in car accident, but ok. Staying here for the night. Talk to u in the morning.”

My battery is nearly dead. Lily comments on the cold air and moves closer. She grabs my arm and wraps it around her. She nestles into my chest. She fits perfrectly.

“This is nice. Don’t think I bring every boy home on the first date.”

“It’s definitely a first for me, too. I promise I won’t leave that couch until you wake me in the morning.”

“You know, I wouldn’t be a very good host if I made you sleep on that uncomfortable couch.”

She pauses for a moment, and then moves from beneath my arm. She turns to face me. “You can sleep in my bed, but do NOT try anything. I’m not that kind of girl, and if you’re that kind of guy, I’ll throw you out into the snow.”

“Understood. I will stay on my side of the bed.”  

“Hey, I saw you checking your phone, did you bring a charger?” She asks.

“Nope, didn’t expect to be sleeping elsewhere.”

“It’s cool, give it here and I’ll go plug it in. I’ve gotta hit the bathroom anyway.”

I thank her, and hand over the phone. The night cap has made my head dance. I ask to bum another cigarette and remain on the balcony as she heads to the bathroom. The night is silent, except for the twinkling of the snow on the trees. The surrounding landscape has a soft yellow glow  from the apartment complex lamps. I stare off into the wooded area, behind the building. The trees are bent forward under the weight of the dense snowfall. In the empty, ivory space between apartment building and woods, I see her again. I close my eyes tightly, hoping it’s only the alcohol, and reopen them to find her still there. The white flowing dress, the dark hair, and the pink-hued skin. This can’t be real. She can’t be real. The glass door slides open and I jump, startled by Lily returning to the balcony.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah...I...I just think I a little drunk.”

I’m A LOT drunk. Lily must have made mine more bourbon, less Earl Gray. I look again to the clearing and the woman in white is gone.

Lily escorts me inside and we settle into her bed. I should be nervous, but my chest remains clear, and my head feels at peace. I can barely keep my eyes open,  I so badly want to rest. Lily turns away from me, and I feel myself sliding into slumber. Her scent is intoxicating, and I feel as though I am being pulled closer to her. The room is beginning to spin. Be a gentleman! You’re a gentleman.

I climb out of bed. I have to get to the bathroom and stop the spinning. I wall down the hall and enter the bathroom. Turning on the light, I fill my cupped hands with water from the tap. It’s cool and calming. I catch my reflection in the mirror, it is fuzzy and out of focus. The door behind me creaks open, just a slight crack. I turn to see if I have woken Lily, but she is not there. I turn back to face the mirror, and behind me, passed the living room and out on the balcony, I see the woman in white. I spin myself around, almost losing my balance. She is not there. I must sleep, I need to sleep. As I begin back down the hallway, to return to the bedroom, I catch a glimpse of her again out on the balcony. I refuse to look. I can’t, I am frozen. My chest rises and falls, my heart leaps into my throat, but I must look one more time. There is nothing, only the dancing winds of wind, and the falling snow.

I return to the bed and pull the covers up to my chin. Lily remains turned away from me, she hasn’t moved. I still smell her, like a rose under the fresh, falling rain. I close my eyes, and feel Lily stir. She scoots herself back and is now curled next to me. She presses her ass against my crotch, and my heart has set it’s course to leap from beneath my ribs. I know what’s going to happen, and I try all that I can to prevent it. I think of unpleasant things like the total cost to repair the damage done to my car, and how I could be hallucinating a woman dressed in white. My attempt to replace my thoughts does not work, and I become hard. I am certain that she can feel it. She turns her head and glances up at me, and she whispers,   

“Be a gentleman, and just kiss me.”

Her lips are soft and sweet, but slightly bitter; like a pomegranate. I kiss her harder and she kisses me faster. She removes her shirt, and I remove mine. The moment is frantic and blurred, and the room continues to spin. I am carried away in the current of passion. She removes my pants and places herself on top of me. She grabs ahold of my penis and pulls it close, nearly sliding it inside her. I can feel her warmth, and I want it, but she stops.

“Fuck. Hold on, I’ve got to get a condom.” .

I appreciate her “playing it safe”, and I can use the breather. My vision is blurred, the bedroom is a soft, muted palette of reds and oranges. I stare out into the hallway, Lily must have gone to the bathroom, but I swear I hear the front door open and close. She returns and her naked form is beautiful, a renaissance painters muse. Lily enters the bedroom, but I see that she is not alone. Someone is behind her, and I am unable to stop a gasp from leaving my chest. It is her, the woman in white, standing in the doorway! I shoot up from the bed, but I have to steady myself. The room feels that it’s spinning faster.  

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s her! It’s the..the woman from the snow!”

I point to her, behind Lily, and she turns around. She has to see her, but she does not scream, she does not run! She jusrt slowly walks toward me. She leans in and kisses my lips. Her hand grabs my cock. She kisses me and strokes me, but my eyes are wide and fixed on the woman in white. I push Lily away and try to focus my eyesight, but I can’t. I try to shout, but my speech is labored and my tongue is heavy. I raise my arm to point, again, at the woman in white. Lily turns to face her once more.

“You mean her? Oh, that’s just Meri!”

Lily swats it away, as if it is nothing. The woman in white lifts her head, and with her hands, she slowly brushes the hair back and away from her face. It is Meri!

“Hey, Caleb! Look as though the two of you had some first date. Don’t let me interrupt, continue! I’m actually here to join in!”

I look at Lily, my eyes trying to bring her face into focus. There is something different, her soft face had grown rigid and stern. Her eyes have grown larger and dark, as black and deep as a pit. She smiles at me, baring her teeth, pointed and sharp. Lily pushes me back onto the bed. I try to fight her, but I am so tired. Lily straddles me, and Meri stands behind her.

“Caleb, you’ve been a great date, such a gentleman,! Usually, when we get the guys back here, they’re all hard and DTF! Not you, Caleb. We like you.” Lily says, with a crooked smile.

“Are you...are you vampires?”

The question leaves me weak. They both laugh, their bodies shaking as if it’s an absurd thought to wonder.

“No, Caleb. We’re not vamps! Vamps are whiny emo-pussies! We carry the blessed blood of the Succubi.”

Lily leans forward and kisses my lips, and Meri reaches over between my legs.  

“We normally would just suck you dry of life, but since you’re not some horned-up bro, we’ve got a special end for you. We’re going to use you for the Quickening, and you’ll be helping us keep the bloodline alive!” Meri explains, she celebrates in revealing my fate.

The two of them hover over me, and I move beyond exhaustion, and reach near euphoria. I have no idea what they plan to do with me. Will they eat me after I’m dead? How many other guys from the internet have fallen for this? I can feel the life being drained from within me. The world becomes heavy, and the air becomes thick as a fog. This is it. I am going to die. I can barely hold my head, and I let it fall to the side. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror atop Lily’s dresser. I am fuzzy and unfocused, but Lily is clearer than ever. She’s not just a 26 year-old female, seeking a man who’s into scary movies. She is the scary movie. I can see that my skin has lost it’s complexion. It is empty and grey, and my thinning hair is as white as the snow that fell outside. I think I preferred it the way it was. Man, I am a fucking idiot! I’m that guy! The guy who got played for a free meal. Just another guy on the internet that fell victim to the illusion of the profile.